I recently spent 3 days in St. Louis. I, along with my sister, had gone to spend Thanksgiving with my brother and his family. As soon as we arrived I claimed, as usual, the couch in the farthest corner in the basement rec room as the place I would sleep. The couch is too short for my body, but it’s away from all of the action and there is a door nearby that is an easily accessible escape route.

Here is the 411 and character analysis of the 8 people in attendance:

David:
Brother and epitome of perfect order. More than likely tucks his t-shirts into his underwear. Never a wrinkle. Has never had a messy room or hair out of place his entire life. Works for the government as a cartographer. Has high level security clearance. Always drives the EXACT speed limit. Immediately logs all sales receipts and purchases into his computer. Makes perfect coffee. Can fold a fitted sheet perfectly just by looking at it ( I on the other hand  can spend 2 hours trying to fold a fitted sheet and it’s still a big wrinkly ball).

Mary:
David’s wife and my sister-in-law. Talks about the same 3 things ad nauseum. Claims that Isreal is the same size as Rhode Island. Knows everything about religion because she’s been to the Wailing Wall. Knows everything about sports because she went to the last game on the World Series. Throws a tantrum if she loses at board games. If you’ve done it, then she’s done it too…and 10 times better.

Nicholas:
First son of David and Mary. 29 years old. Has a PhD in journalism and is a college professor. Sports fanatic and video game expert. Is super smart and gets published all of the time. Kind of spoiled.

Jen:
Wife of Nicholas. Works out and is skinny. Tweets every 5 seconds about everything. Works at the same college as Nick. Has a cute father ( I unsuccessfully tried to hook up with him at Nick and Jen’s wedding). Disappears a lot (she’s off somewhere tweeting or updating her Facebook status).

Nathan:
Second son of David and Mary. College senior. President of his fraternity. Off to med school next year. Nice kid. Great musician and good singer. Could beat me at video games when he was 3. Affable and fun-loving. Obviously his parents favorite.

Carl:
Stepfather. Takes hundreds of pills to stay alive. Lives with David and Mary. Slightly hard of hearing. Walks like a zombie. Likes the casinos. Recently got his driver’s license back (Heaven forbid!). Likes to watch the western movie channel.

Sue:
Sister. Ex military. Has been to Iraq. Likes the Oakland Raiders. Very stubborn and opinionated. Honks at everybody on the road. Currently works for the state. The last time we went shopping I carried her purse and the bras that she would be purchasing while she searched the racks (Humiliated).

Me:
Mediator. Will lose board games on purpose so that I don’t have to listen to people whine about how they COULD have won. Hears blah blah blah when most people talk. Semi-narcissistic.

Even though I was glad to get home I really had a great time while I was there. There were only a few instances of discord.

  • Sue and Mary got into a somewhat heated argument over the taboo subject of politics.
  •  Mary threw a tantrum when we played a board game called Camelot (I still don’t understand the rules).
  • I ate food outside of my diet plan and had to take alka seltzer.

There were also some good times.

  • The food was good.
  • I won money at the casino.
  • Nathan and I sang Stairway to Heaven while he played the guitar. I wanted to sing Baby by Justin Bieber but decided not to risk the ridicule, so yeah, we skipped that one.

I took quite a few pictures – mostly scenery, not people – but it was so rainy and gloomy in St. Louis that they are just too depressing to post. Maybe some other time.

P.S. On a sad note, Arkansas lost to LSU.

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